Read about the bad news the other day concerning the projected $200 million loss for the sci-fi epic John Carter. It may very well be the largest box office bomb in Hollywood history.
You really pinched off a Moby Dick-sized loaf with that one, didn’t you? Normally, I would have some sympathy for this grand a failure. I mean, some careers might be affected. Perhaps, there’ll be some sort of PR circular firing squad as there was between Michael Bay, the producers and the actors of The Island when that movie went kablooey.
But while you continue to back incredibly stupid “anti-piracy” legislation, you get no boo hoos from my peepers. Instead, you can be reminded that with your projected losses, you could have produced one million versions of Sisters of No Mercy 3D.
However, let me cease guffawing long enough to give you a suggestion based on something that will be a certainty:
You will get a Razzie Nomination for worst picture (and most certainly more) next year for John Carter.
So what to do? I say, release it online for free immediately and completely ride the PR line that this is the “worst movie ever made,” regardless of whether you actually believe that to be the case or not. Just push that meme. If viewers think this movie is garbage, agree with them! Scream it from the top of Hollywood Hills. Go on every talk show you can think of and wear it like a badge of (dis)honor. Rake in every last penny you possibly can from those looking for the worst in cinema.
Really, you’ve got nothing to lose but $200,000,000.
UPDATE: One of my online pals wrote to me saying that John Carter was actually a good film. That may be the case. I’ve not seen it. But my prediction of a Worst Picture Razzie nom comes with the understanding that bad money woes for a movie do get taken into account when voting for these awards–just as excellent box-office can be positive for the Oscars. If this movie becomes a meme through the butt of jokes and late-night stand up monologues, it’ll be tough for Razzie voters to resist.