Is Your State a Member of the “First Cousins, But Not Gays Marrying Club?”

At Cafe Press, if you want to buy it.

By now, you’ve heard the news that North Carolina and Colorado are the latest states to hate the gay.

But what if you’re porking your first cousin and want to have a baby, you know, just like the Bible commands? I mean, you don’t really want to waste that seed, do you? And abortion, of course, is out of the question.

So where in the United States can you safely have your 5-armed, 3-legged, curly-Q tailed horned infant free from the evil intrusions of the “guvmint” but still make sure those evil kwarrs can’t marry and ruin your blissful lives?

TUGM is here to provide you the answers:

North Carolina (but no “doublin’ up”. They have standards, donchaknow)
South Carolina

The states listed above are–let’s face it–not very likely to give gays marriage protection any time soon.  The following states also allow for first cousins to marry:

District of Columbia
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
Ooh, some of the states above allow for same-sex marriage. I’m sure this moral conflict will cause great consternation for Preacher Bob when he marries his first cousin in Alabama and carries on a faithful tradition.

Apparently, some denominations allow for three-ways

At least the following states have the good sense to tell first cousin couples, “you can get married, but you ain’t poppin’ out any Rosemary’s babies”:

Indiana (first cousins, once removed)
Maine (may require genetic counseling)

Some other states allow for half cousins or adopted cousins to marry or not at all.

So to those saying no to gay marriage, but okay with cousins shacking up: you’re looking dumber than an offspring of a sibling marriage.


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