Tag Archives: don’t believe everything you read see or hear

BREAKING SHOCKING! Google Assistant Hired to Set Up Murder for Cash

by Legendary Lew

TUGM has acquired audio of Chicago resident Brian Tarrup allegedly using the Google Assistant app for the contract killing of John Tarrup, his ailing father, for the purpose of collecting his life insurance payment.

Google Assistant Hires a Hitman

This is a breaking story with more details to follow. Brian Tarrup has not been available for comment on this case, but we will keep trying.

BREAKING: Roy Moore Taps Milo Yiannopoulos for Campaign

Roy Moore

Milo Yiannopoulos

by Ida Dunnett

Roy Moore, the Alabama Republican candidate for senate, has asked controversial “alt-right” celebrity Milo Yiannopoulos to campaign for him statewide. This comes just after a fifth woman came forward to accuse the embattled candidate of sexual assault.

“I don’t generally tap into young people,” Moore explained, “but I think this is a good opportunity to take advantage of what Milo has to offer my campaign.”

Yiannopoulos, who is openly gay, recently resigned from his senior editor position at Breitbart News after a video surfaced where he defended sexual relationships between 13 year-olds and adult men and women. Breitbart News, in contrast, has continued to support Moore.

Moore has also condemned homosexuality as a “crime against nature” and compared it to bestiality.

For his part, Yiannopoulos finds his involvement as a positive development.

“I think Roy Moore could be great influence on young people.” he said in a statement. “For teenagers, there’s no doubt Moore would be the perfect fit.”

When asked about the potential conflicts of having Yiannopoulos speaking on behalf of his campaign, Moore defended the decision.

“Milo knows he is sinful, which is something I wish all homosexuals would understand.” Moore stated. “He has the potential of bringing very young people into the campaign. The witch hunt against me by some Republicans are from the very old. Guys who’ve been there forever. I want them younger, much younger. I want them young.”

Moore is facing multiple allegations of sexual assault from women who claimed the abuses occurred when some of them were as young as fourteen years old. The candidate has denied the charges against him.

Should he win the election, Moore has promised a position for the provocateur.

“The first job he’ll have is to give the Senate office a makeover.”

BREAKING: Rich Donor Eviscerates Jeb Bush for SC Loss; Demanded He Quit Race (NSFW)


Courtesy: Ad Week

by Legendary Lew

The Underground Multiplex has uncovered a never-before publicized voicemail recording left by a Jeb Bush donor angry at his poor campaign performance.

Dolly Dentura, CEO of Dentura Enterprises, funded Jeb Bush’s campaign almost single-handedly and in the voicemail recording discovered by Legendary Lew, she berates the former Florida governor for his poor performance.

In a profanity-laced tirade, Dentura exclaims that Bush was a “big, fat mistake” a quote she attributes to Donald Trump, who she disdainfully refers to as “Chief Orange Hair.”

Dentura also had choice words for former First Lady Barbara Bush, who she blames for talking her into giving the famed son the millions of dollars that ended up “in the toilet.”

The voicemail recording reflects the frustration many rich Republican donors have had with a number of Republican presidential candidates, many of whom spent millions of dollars on their failed campaigns.

Click below to listen to the irate voicemail recording left at the Jeb Bush 2016 office:

Netflix Announces $1 Million Offer to Marketer Who Can Best Convince Customers It Can Stream Everything

netflixInternet movie giant Netflix announced today that it will offer $1 million to the individual who can best devise a marketing strategy convincing customers the mega movie and TV show provider can stream any content requested.

“Since we announced that streaming would be the best way to reach customers, we’ve been inundated with millions of requests, ” one Netflix executive, who wished not to be identified, whispered to me. “We definitely need to get the leg up on any competitor offering streaming services.”

The media giant hopes to convince customers complaining of the lack of streaming options their doubts are unfounded.

“We try to cater to requests. Netflix does provide the latest, most requested television shows, but we go further. We try to gauge what viewers want to see most. That’s how we can provide a title like “Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror’.”

A winner is set to be announced on April 30th, 2013.

Mitt Romney Postpones His Concession Speech to Take a Dump


I was thoroughly surprised for about a good solid 18 minutes when I had learned from my reliable source that Mitt Romney decided to postpone his concession speech, one that I had expected on Wednesday night. Romney instead decided to take a Friday dump about his taxes with the hope that the media would clean up the mess. I understand that there was heated debate regarding the release of the tax returns between Trustee Brad Malt and one of Romney’s trusted advisers, Jacob Barley Malt (no relation).

Another reason given to me for the concession postponement was the Romneys’ tanning session. Mitt had decided to try bronzer for his appeal to Latinos during a Univision appearance (see picture above). Ann, on the other hand, chose to go all in at a local tanning salon with this being the result:


It might be one of the reasons why Mitt wanted Ann to appear less often on the stump.

My apologies for the premature news regarding the concession. As soon as I can get verifiable news from my trusted source, I will be certain to pass along the information.


Mitt Romney Concedes!! Transcript Below of Speech He Will Deliver Tonight

In recent weeks, the Romney campaign had been inundated with several shattering blows to the candidate. The unveiling of Vice-Presidential choice Paul Ryan has reopened concerns about the dismantling of Medicare and draconian budget cuts; the Republican Convention became a disaster with the omission of gratitude for the troops and Clint Eastwood’s meme-creating bizarre speech; Romney was savaged for comments made denigrating the Obama Administration’s reaction to Libyan riots resulting in the death of the U.S. Ambassador; and most recently, Mitt Romney was caught surreptitiously declaring nearly half of Americans as deadbeats who would vote for Obama because they demand permanent assistance from the government to run their lives.

As a result of this general downslide, donors have pulled out of creating ads for Romney, fellow Republicans and friendly pundits have mostly shunned him, and his poll numbers are declining. His campaign is in major free fall.

I expect the President will win re-election in November. However, even given the strange ride that this presidential campaign has been, nothing prepared me for what was about to happen.

Forty-seven days before election day, Mitt Romney has decided to concede.

The Underground Multiplex has obtained a copy of the transcript Mitt Romney will present tonight as he moves aside to allow Paul Ryan to take the mantle as presidential candidate for the GOP. It’s unclear who would replace Ryan as Vice-Presidential candidate, although rumors abound that Marco Rubio, Chris Christie and even Ron Paul–long considered a thorn in the side for the party–would be asked.

Here is the transcript of the speech expected to be given by Romney at 9pm Eastern Time tonight in Boston:

Before I begin tonight, I want to thank everyone involved with my campaign. They are a great team: Beth Myers, Pete Flaherty, Eric Fehrnstrom, Stu, Russ, Ashley, Ron and all the volunteers. You all made the best team imaginable and I’m proud of everything you’ve done. I know there have been reports of infighting. I want to assure you these were kept to a minimum. I take all responsibility for all the positive advances we’ve made during this campaign. You all worked very hard and I appreciate that and so does the country.

And there could not have been a better choice I could have made than Paul Ryan. That was a tough choice to make, as you all well know, because of all the unfair publicity Paul’s had to take during this campaign. I thought he gave a great speech at the convention that resonated with many Americans. I personally can remember about 10 or 12 people I’ve met on the road through this campaign who told me how proud I must be of Paul.

I also want to thank my family, Ann, who’s been terrific in supporting me and showing that women are a great part of this party and that she loves them. Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben, Craig–you’ve all been great. I’m sorry that I kept you up at night rehearsing speeches. There were a lot of them I had to make unexpectedly. You know, I never told this story, but one night during the campaign, Ben was supposed to drive around our old neighborhood canvassing and his car was stuck in the elevator overnight. That shows you the perils of campaigning and how committed my family is to me. I promise that for all your patience, we’ll shop for new puppies for your kids.

My faith, family and friends have gotten me through some tough times. Ann mentioned during the convention about the tough times having to eat tuna and pasta casserole. I spent over two years as a Mormon missionary in France and had to learn French in a hurry. Even the time we had the accident with Seamus, riding excitedly on the roof of the car, we always had the presence of God’s love and compassion.

I have always felt that Americans shared in this sense of compassion, this sense of a belief in God and in the sense of overall goodness no matter what difficulties they may face. They are people who know what it means to do the right thing. That is why, in that spirit, I have decided to suspend my campaign for President of the United States indefinitely.

I am as certain today as when I first began this journey many years ago, that I would have been a great, compassionate and thoughtful leader. A leader who would not apologize for America and cause the deaths of Americans overseas–I just want to interrupt and say I remember the troops and thank them for their service. A leader who would not work to keep nearly half of Americans under the oppression of government entitlements, a leader who would have brought new jobs through my new plan of tax breaks for job creators, a leader who would stand up for the jobs that get sent over to China. A leader who would fight to get this country back on track. As a businessman, I know exactly how to get companies and this country back on their feet again. Even though I will no longer be front and center gaining attention with these ideas, you can be certain I will continue to work with those great men and women who love this country and will fight for tax cuts, the unborn, the sanctity of marriage and all those policies that I’ve always stood firmly on.

I give the mantle of leadership now to Paul Ryan, who I think will make a great president. I’m confident he will make a great choice for a vice-presidential running mate, whoever that will be.

I now know what it feels like to be unemployed, so I guess I will be joining the 47%. All kidding aside, I want to thank all of you for making this a memorable journey. Thank you and God Bless America.

It’ll be fascinating to see how the Republicans deal with this. The head of the party is now gone, changed over to someone perhaps they always wanted. Will this be what the GOP secretly wished for all this time or will they feel this completely crushes their chances in November? Can Romney even be taken off the ballot now? Many, many questions.


Was Bettie Page an S&M Faith Healer?

Between 1949 and 1957, images of Bettie Page could be found everywhere from postcards to magazines to record covers. She was graced with a radiant personality which seemed to make the camera her devoted lover. That relationship helped to make her a legend with her likeness being one of the most popular in American culture–even though a number of photos and films delved into the fetish/S&M world.

In 1959, Bettie turned her back on modeling, believing she was getting too old and following a calling by God to become a missionary. Although she did not succeed in becoming an African missionary (because of a divorce), she did work for Billy Graham Ministries for a while.

For decades after her abandoned modeling career, Page had sought family stability (through a few failed marriages) and an ongoing commitment to spreading the gospel. After moving to Southern California in 1979, Bettie seemed to have completely disappeared with rumors of mental illnesses and breakdowns, along with her entry into a state mental hospital.

Somewhere between 1970 and 1982, Page may have entered a “faith healing” stage as part of her religious outreach. Any of these sessions would probably have been done in secret as she never obtained the status of “minister.”

The idea of Bettie Page as faith healer during these years seems not an unlikely scenario, given her devotion to God. What is unusual, however, is that she may have donned fetish gear one final time for a parishioner who recognized her from her modeling days.

Harold G. Slinger, a horse trainer from Boca Raton, FL, supposedly met with Page desperate to kick a heroin addiction plaguing him for more than 20 years. Finding state-funded treatments ineffective, Slinger was at his wit’s end. Through a friend, he had learned of a “woman of God” who had at one point changed her life completely through “the love of Jesus Christ.”  Slinger went to see Page, who, he claims, at first refused to help Slinger, as she did not consider herself a healer, but simply a communicator of God’s word. However, after Slinger broke down in tears, Page relented and granted his request.

Slinger claimed to have only one meeting with Page, but that meeting completely cured him of any desire for drugs. From that point on, Slinger was drug free and servicing for the Lord, as he became born again and lived a devout Christian life until he passed away in 1990.

In return for this favor, Page insisted the newly-cured man never tell anyone she had performed any faith healing. Although Slinger was mystified as to why she would never pursue this avenue of spreading The Word, he kept his promise until the day he died.

He did, however, want to keep a record of what had transpired as proof of his life-changing event. So on a blank-labeled recording (with a date of May 20, 1973–two years after supposedly meeting with Page), Slinger left details of the faith healing session. The Underground Multiplex, given a hot tip by a fan, recently obtained the recording by the late Mr. Slinger.

For the first time ever, you can now hear the story, as told by Mr. Harold G. Slinger, of how Bettie Page cured him of his drug addiction and did so, in part, by returning to S&M one final time:

‘The Onion’: Gay Bullied Teen in ‘Satire’ Invented ‘Like All Other Gays’

Gay rights groups today are asking the satirical magazine The Onion to apologize for what they perceive is an insensitive joke regarding bullying. However, a representative of the satirical news magazine stated today that the gay teen serving as the center of the controversial article was “completely invented,  like all other gays.”

News editor Tess Tossterohn made the statement while talking with TUGM at Sidewinders, which she described as an “all-male club of married men enjoying each other’s company.”

Asked about the controversy, Tossterohn replied, “We took every effort to make sure this satire was fair and balanced. The Onion compiled the advice of such diverse groups as NOM (National Organization for Marriage), PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays), Exodus International, The Catholic Church, The Mormon Church, GOProud. We really went the distance.”

She also added that The Onion had no plans on making apologies, as the child posing in the article was in no way harmed. “He (the actor) didn’t even know what a faggot was. We were the ones who called him that 43 times to get him to convey the mood captured on camera. His character was completely invented, like all other gays and this article will simply be a phase he’s going through.”

“If he wasn’t affected by this, we don’t see how anyone else could be.” she said.

“The Lost Radio Ad of Ugandan Dictator Idi Amin Dada”

General Idi Amin Dada, one of the most notorious dictators in world history, led Uganda in a reign of terror from 1971 until he was ousted in 1979. He spent the rest of his exile mostly in Saudi Arabia and was buried there upon his death in 2003.

What most people don’t realize is that Amin made a couple of trips out of Saudi Arabia during his time of exile. Once was in 1999 when he actually attempted to return to power in Uganda. While he was in Zaire, however, he was recognized and sent back to the Middle East.

The other time was much earlier in 1980 when he somehow reached Chicago in an attempt to repair his damaged image.  While there, he recorded a radio ad to sell a new brand of toothpaste, Amin Dada Extra Strength Dental Care for Dentura Enterprises, at that time run by Dolly Dentura, the elusive daughter of a former CIA operative. The idea of the ad for Amin was to raise enough money to run an election campaign to be voted in as President of Uganda. Not surprisingly, this turned out to be a lie, as Amin absconded the prepaid royalties he demanded and secretly flew back to Saudi Arabia. The radio ad was shelved and never aired. Avoiding the negative publicity of allowing a vicious dictator on their payroll, the red-faced Dentura decided not to pursue Amin legally.

The ad remained in limbo and completely forgotten until I received a tip from a collector that there was an unusual radio ad with the voice of what was believed to be a former African dictator hocking toothpaste. I checked into it and discovered that this ad was indeed recorded. So here in all its amazing glory is “The Lost Radio Ad of Ugandan Dictator Idi Amin Dada”:

Learn more on the next episode of Cinematrocities. Coming soon!