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Mike Huckabee Has a DOMA Decision Sad

Kevin DuJan’s IMAX Sized Epic Roy Cohn FAIL: Bradley Balof’s Movies are NOT Porn.

Gay Porn According to Kevin DuJan

A few days ago Nico Lang broke a story on The Daily Dot about conservative blogger Kevin DuJan outing Chicago Public School teacher Bradley Balof as a gay porn actor and claiming that teacher moonlights as a comic telling racist jokes about his kids.

As DNAInfo noted, this is coming from a blogger who claims President Obama is a coke-addicted gay man and called Michelle his “beard.” Classy guy, eh?

Well, since I’m quite an authority on unseen movies, I decided to put the gay porn film claims to the test. Balof is listed on IMDB as appearing in two features, Bowser Makes a Movie and Into It. I checked both of them out from a local Chicago video store (Specialty Video) and watched them. 

I’ve worked for two different video/specialty stores in the past that rented straight and gay adult films, so I feel I’m qualified to make the following observation. Based on what appears in the two movies in question:

Kevin DuJan would not know obscenity if Dick Cheney ass fucked him with a Willis Tower dildo on Navy Pier at high noon.

Is that clear enough, DuJan?

Let’s quickly go over the movies in question. Bowser Makes a Movie is a good-natured goofy indie comedy starring Nick Lewis as a perpetually fired young man, planning a money-raising scheme to fund a gay porno for a publishing company. Balof makes a brief appearance as a gay porn star named Vincent van Coq (it’s a movie, Kevin, not a documentary). There is simulated sex in the film and if rated would barely be an R. No nudity in this film whatsoever.

The only full frontal nudity in the film Into It appears in a brief scenewhere a lonely gay hustler Simon (Zach Welsheimer) prepares to take a shower. Balof has a supporting role as Brett, a hustler bounced out

Another alleged gay porn from the mind of DuJan

of rehab and helping supply Simon’s roommate Rem (Richard Jones) with drugs. It’s a much more serious film with sexual frankness replacing any total nudity. (Sorry, Kevin, but here, you’re only going to see Bradley’s ass).  And although it doesn’t totally work, this is, at least, a sincere attempt to capture the lonely, unhappy lives of a few Chicago gay hustlers and the johns who hire them. If I had lent this movie to a rental customer stating it was gay porn, that person would return calling me a liar.

So Kevin DuJan’s major claim and the inference that a highly rated CPS teacher is harming children is nothing more than Roy Cohn-style horseshit.  DuJan better start backpedaling and apologizing for these stupid claims post-haste before he digs his hole even deeper. 

Jesus is Gay!

Hey, if you don’t believe me, check out the news about actor Victor Garber. Right now, he’s best known for his work in movies like Titanic, but he originated the role of Jesus on Broadway and then on the big screen in Godspell. Be not surprised: we are talking about a guy who hung around with 12 other guys.

PA Preacher Blames Hurricane Sandy on Gays, but I Think I Know the Real Reason

Here comes another natural disaster and along with it lives lost, homes destroyed and billions of dollars in damages.

Thus, naturally, some creatures of the pulpit will certainly decide to add billions of brain cells to the casualties by coming up with anti-gay tirades. The first of what I’m sure will be a number of these vocal demonstrations of soul failure comes from Pennsylvania preacher John McTernan:

Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 20, 1991…Twenty-one years breaks down to 7 x 3, which is a significant number with God. Three is perfection as the Godhead is three in one while seven is perfection.

It appears that God gave America 21 years to repent of interfering with His prophetic plan for Israel; however, it has gotten worse under all the presidents and especially Obama. Obama is 100 percent behind the Muslim Brotherhood which has vowed to destroy Israel and take Jerusalem. Both candidates are pro-homosexual and are behind the homosexual agenda. America is under political judgment and the church does not know it!

What I can gather is the real reason–yes, folks, the real rumor!–why John is making an ecumenical plea from his personal case of fudgy pants is demonstrated here:

 

Hope this clears up the issue and hope John McTernan clears up any issues resulting from any alleged encounters with those individuals he may meet accepting Visa or MasterCard.

Homophobic Preachers Having a Problem with That Social Media Thing

If I were an atheist trying to win converts, I would be sending gigantic ‘thank you’ cards to some of those crazy preachers who became news makers over the past couple of weeks. Nothing increases the numbers of the unbelieving better than having entranced anti-gay bigots express concern about Eiffel Tower unions, give approval of a Pink Triangle Holocaust 2.0, or happily cheer on a toddler parroting the adults’ hatred of gays. How ironic that the psychotic fear of child indoctrination–long a staple of the arsenal that homophobes use against the advancement of gay rights–supposedly has no play in that viral video generating disgust from thousands of viewers. Straight people who’ve seen the light: now you know what LGBT people have had to deal with for almost forever.

I won’t go over the pathetic blathering of these loser preachers. You can click on the hyperlinks if you wish. However, I’m very intrigued about what happens after the viral videos and radio spots.  It’s pretty clear from the reactions of some of these folks they have no idea of the power of social media. None.

One Million Moms, which in reality is Less Than 50,000 Moms if you take their Facebook numbers into account, got a case of the holy water vapors when DC Comics announced The Green Lantern would come out as gay. They posted the “shameful” announcement on FB and promptly was inundated with cheers for the comic. Ooops! Didn’t expect so many people would actually like a gay character. Sorry, but we’ll just take down our Facebook page, because we’re “attending Bible school” and make ourselves look ridiculous, shall we?

Pastor Jeff Sangl, whose Apostolic Truth Tabernacle Church hosted the toddler brainwashing contest, flew the coop with his wife and put the church on lock down.  Oh, those bad and nasty gays are making death threats to them, right? The county sheriff says otherwise.

Charles Worley, the preacher who wants to kill off the gays and lesbians behind an electrified fence, remains defiant and refuses to talk to anyone. However, those at his home are ready and willing to have guns exposed on their torsos to stop the onslaught of quarrs ready to indoctrinate the bearish blowhard to same sex love. (Oh God, perish the thought!) How lucky he is to have people even dumber than he is come forth to the media and make complete mockeries of their humanness. Video is forever, Stacey. You’ll need to work this out later. But when you do, our eyes will be on you. You see, that’s what social media does best. What you and the lame-brained Sunday morning asshole can’t fathom is how you would ever explain his batshit fucking crazy rant publicly in any way that even comes close to feasible, so your complete and utter interview fail will be the laughing stock of Christianity. Don’t worry though. Worley won’t do any better. Hell, he just had an avowed anti-gay, right-wing Christian Republican publicly turn against him.

And speaking of how to lose friends and deter people, the gay-hating Family Research Council just gave it’s top annual award to Ron Baity, who found ample opportunities to prove himself worthy of a straight-jacket fitting.

You would think the right-wing Jesus establishment would be jumping for joy about this, but Baity’s “honor” was too much for the Southern Baptist Convention, which publicly distanced itself from Baity and the other lunatics.

Hell, even that Factory of “Ex-Gay” Fraud–Exodus International–couldn’t stand it anymore.  Its president, Alan Chambers, came out (excuse the pun) against having that nutcase get an award. When you have a fraudulent organization slam a hate group for giving honors to another fraud, you’ve really got something going.

So rather than having these videos spread the word of God, these vids completely blew up in the bigots’ faces.  Social media pages get slammed, interviews go poorly or not at all, opposition increasingly gets vocal and your own allies turn against you–all the very opposite of how social media exposure is supposed to work for you.

At this rate, these preachers will have to go into self-exile in the desert. Hey, it would be Biblical, wouldn’t it?

Is Your State a Member of the “First Cousins, But Not Gays Marrying Club?”

At Cafe Press, if you want to buy it.

By now, you’ve heard the news that North Carolina and Colorado are the latest states to hate the gay.

But what if you’re porking your first cousin and want to have a baby, you know, just like the Bible commands? I mean, you don’t really want to waste that seed, do you? And abortion, of course, is out of the question.

So where in the United States can you safely have your 5-armed, 3-legged, curly-Q tailed horned infant free from the evil intrusions of the “guvmint” but still make sure those evil kwarrs can’t marry and ruin your blissful lives?

TUGM is here to provide you the answers:

Alabama
Alaska
Colorado
Florida
Georgia
North Carolina (but no “doublin’ up”. They have standards, donchaknow)
South Carolina
Tennessee
Virginia

The states listed above are–let’s face it–not very likely to give gays marriage protection any time soon.  The following states also allow for first cousins to marry:

California
Connecticut
District of Columbia
Hawaii
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
Vermont
Ooh, some of the states above allow for same-sex marriage. I’m sure this moral conflict will cause great consternation for Preacher Bob when he marries his first cousin in Alabama and carries on a faithful tradition.

Apparently, some denominations allow for three-ways

At least the following states have the good sense to tell first cousin couples, “you can get married, but you ain’t poppin’ out any Rosemary’s babies”:

Arizona
Illinois
Indiana (first cousins, once removed)
Maine (may require genetic counseling)
Utah
Wisconsin

Some other states allow for half cousins or adopted cousins to marry or not at all.

So to those saying no to gay marriage, but okay with cousins shacking up: you’re looking dumber than an offspring of a sibling marriage.

‘The Onion’: Gay Bullied Teen in ‘Satire’ Invented ‘Like All Other Gays’

Gay rights groups today are asking the satirical magazine The Onion to apologize for what they perceive is an insensitive joke regarding bullying. However, a representative of the satirical news magazine stated today that the gay teen serving as the center of the controversial article was “completely invented,  like all other gays.”

News editor Tess Tossterohn made the statement while talking with TUGM at Sidewinders, which she described as an “all-male club of married men enjoying each other’s company.”

Asked about the controversy, Tossterohn replied, “We took every effort to make sure this satire was fair and balanced. The Onion compiled the advice of such diverse groups as NOM (National Organization for Marriage), PFOX (Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays), Exodus International, The Catholic Church, The Mormon Church, GOProud. We really went the distance.”

She also added that The Onion had no plans on making apologies, as the child posing in the article was in no way harmed. “He (the actor) didn’t even know what a faggot was. We were the ones who called him that 43 times to get him to convey the mood captured on camera. His character was completely invented, like all other gays and this article will simply be a phase he’s going through.”

“If he wasn’t affected by this, we don’t see how anyone else could be.” she said.